A letter to the lucky family members who got to meet our Nugget before we did.
I am blessed daily with every little smile and giggle that Elliott gives me. Our little family became whole the day he was born. Only we knew that our precious little would never know the love you gave us; the love that you already had for him.
It is understood – not liked, but understood – that life comes with loss. Some losses are harder than others, but they are losses just the same.
Tonight as I was rocking Nugget to sleep I had an overwhelming sense of peace. It is in these moments that I am convinced you are there. Now I know I’m not a super religious person; I question the existence of a Heaven and a Hell, but I do believe there to be a greater being at work. I look at Elliott everyday and know that something greater than myself exists because they gave me the greatest give anyone ever could – the unconditional love of a child!
I was not fortunate enough in my life to meet my husband’s father, nor he the chance to meet my grandfather. I did get the brief pleasure of knowing his great-grandmother, but she too was sent to a better place before our little came to be.
Two of the most important people in our lives were not there to see us wed, but we thought of you! We felt your presence as we celebrated with those around us – we take you with us everywhere.
Nanny was not able to make the trip, but we honored you in our own special way.
There are days that it hurts; to know that Elliott will never hear your voices, or your horrible jokes, or feel your comforting hugs and the intensity with which you loved your family. Some days I wish nothing more than for him to be able to know the kind of people you were. For him to understand why we hold you in such high regards. Then I remember, you already know him – and undoubtedly love him!
In a way, you are the lucky ones. You got the blessing of knowing our Elliott before we did. You got the joy of sending him to us with the comfort of your love. You helped mold him. You helped mold us. You helped to build our family and help us feel complete even without you by our side!
So at bedtime when it becomes quiet and peaceful, know that I feel you. Know that I sleep better with you looking over my Nugget. Know that we miss you. We know you love us, even though we cannot see you, we feel you, we carry you with us daily. It is because of who you helped us become that we will do everything within our power to love and care for Elliott as you loved and cared for us.
If we can impact our family’s lives even a fraction of how you impacted ours, then I know we have done right. Even if Elliott does not know you, I know you know him – and for that I am grateful.
Cheers Mommas – tonight I raise my glass to family!